Get. Back. In. Bed. NOW.

Getting kids to go to bed - and stay in bed - can be one of the most difficult challenges of the parenting game. It is the cause of this wrinkle here, and that gray hair there, and there. Humorous books (with titles that cannot be printed here) have been written about it. Your friends all have expert advice to give you on it, to which you will smile and nod, while biting your tongue about their little brood of terrors.

After working all day, all you can think of is a nice, quiet night on the couch. Maybe detoxing with a marathon of House Hunters, where strangers will complain about wallpaper and kitchen backsplashes. You will yell things like "just paint the room!" and laugh at their ridiculousness. It will be the best night ever.

But, not tonight. Tonight, THEY have other plans.

They cannot sleep. They have to go the bathroom. Twice. They are thirsty. Hot. Cold. Itchy. Scared. Excited. Bored. They want a snack. They want your iPad. They want to go to Grandma's. And they have to go to the bathroom, again.

This will not be a night for you.

Putting kids to bed is the Super Mario Bros. World 8-4 of parenting. You have managed to get all the way to the end, only to die and get kicked all the way back at the beginning. Heckling strangers on House Hunters over their taste in architecture and common sense will have to wait.