When it comes to finding love, it’s no longer about love at first sight, or fireworks with your first kiss. That only happens in the movies. Here are the new rules of attraction:

  • Old Rule #1: You’ll know within three seconds if they’re “the one.” The new rule? You may know within three dates. People are nervous on date one, begin to unwind on date two, and by date three, can relax and work on building a connection. Early sparks also say nothing about long-term potential. It takes time, talking and listening to see whether your values, dreams and needs are compatible. So, don’t write someone off – or fall head over heels – until you’ve had three dates.

  • Old Rule #2: Opposites attract. The new rule: Opposites distract! It may be fun to hang out with someone very different, but once the initial attraction wears off, if you don’t enjoy the same things, you’ll have nothing to do together. So, if they love spending money and traveling, and you’d rather garden and save up for a house, you might want to reconsider the relationship.

  • Old Rule #3: Your first kiss should mean fireworks. The new rule: Your first kiss means nothing. In fairy tales, an amazing kiss always leads to happily ever after, but there are a lot of reasons why a first kiss can go wrong. Like nerves, a public farewell at a bus stop, or her dad hovering on the other side of the front door while you say goodnight. Instead, wait for at least kiss number before you say “yea” or “nay.”

  • Old Rule #4: When it’s true love, you think about them constantly. The new rule: It’s true love if thinking about them makes you feel good. Having warm, comfortable feelings indicates a relationship built on stability, trust and a strong ‘friendship’ factor. In other words, a relationship that’ll wear well over time. On the flip side, if you’re up all night analyzing their emails for hidden messages and clues to their true feelings, you may be chasing someone who’s just not that into you.