The little white kind. That's according to Dr. Judith Sills, author of The Comfort Trap (or, What if You're Riding a Dead Horse?). She points out that relationships are based on the truth. Relationships are also about not hurting your partner, unless it can't be helped. And that's where white lies come in. They protect the feelings of the person you love. So, here are 3 little white lies to put in your arsenal:
- First, if your spouse ever asks: "If we were on a sinking ship, who would you save first me or your mother?" The only proper answer is: "You. Absolutely, I would save you first."
- "Does this make me look fat?" Guys don't answer that question with anything but: "Honey, you look great!"
- And the final question that requires a little white lie is: "If I were dead, which of my friends would you want to date?" The reply to that one is "Are you kidding? I wouldn't want to date any of them! I'd be overcome with grief."
But when you tell lies simply to protect yourself, there are two big problems:
- One, a lie's just a quick fix. And it keeps you from solving your problems. For example, differences in parenting styles. Maybe your husband is strict with the kids, but the minute he's gone, you let the kids go wild. And when he asks how they behaved, you lie and say he would have been proud of them. But an honest discussion would allow you to compromise or test which parenting style works best. You might learn to respect your spouse's firmer style, and he might see the wisdom of relaxing some rules.
- Second and even more important - lies used to avoid conflict usually make a problem worse. For example, catching your spouse with a cigarette after they said they quit smoking makes you think: "What else don't I know about?" Bottom line: if you want love and trust in your relationship, you must be honest with your partner as much as possible.
If you'd like to go further, the book is The Comfort Trap (or, What if You're Riding a Dead Horse?) by Dr. Judith Sills.
